Tonight I was out at a gathering for a genderqueer group. It's great, everyone's really nice and we're all friends... but there's someone new there who rubs everyone the wrong way.
They're new to the whole trans thing, so of course we're understanding about them mixing pronouns and such, but they ask some really invasive questions all the time. Until tonight they've just been a little bit annoying to me.
They were in overdrive with their questions, relentless and obsessive. Constantly asking about someone who was there two months ago that none of us really remember because it was their first time, asking if they were trans and born male or female... The host just kept their cool and answered the other person's questions and asked why it mattered how this person identified but the questions kept coming.
On the way out when everyone had left, they cornered me and asked me questions. I'm an open person, I'll answer peoples questions if they ask tactfully and are genuinely curious. But this person crossed a line with me tonight. They asked if I felt my name was appropriate, because it's unisex. And not in a "oh, don't you feel weird having a unisex name when you're transsexual?" way, a kind of way where they were judging me very hard. I flat what'd so hard, and a friend who was watching was offended as well. They asked if I was sure I wanted the name I have, and asked again after I said yes.
What could possess someone to ask a thing like that if they're apparently trans as well?
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteI'll be calling the individual in question today to respectfully inform him of the rules of engagement. While we're all happy to encourage new people to come along to gatherings, his questioning was over the line. I apologise for your experience and hope it won't discourage you from coming to meetings in future. As I intimated to the individual, people who don't behave will be asked to leave. If he keeps this up, this will be the case for him.
MGQ convener
Hi again,
ReplyDeletethe person in question has apologised for any offense caused to anyone at the meeting - I didn't use names in my conversation with him, but he now knows the rules of engagement. If he contravenes them again, then he'll be on a second warning. The gatherings are to be a safe non-judgemental space for GQ/T*/questioning/allies/CD and all peeps. Anyone who causes issues with this philosophy will be spoken to and if necessary asked to leave.
MGQ convener
Thanks :) Much appreciated
ReplyDelete