Caged

I haven't been in this cage for very long. It's not even been a week. But I think I've figured a few key parts of it out as to why it's so effective.

The most obvious one is the lock. Doesn't even need to be said, you lock up someone else's genitals, they belong to you. Simple as that.

Then there's the feel of it. It's like a new piercing, you don't notice how much you move your tongue until you get a piece of metal shoved through it. It's sometimes very difficult to get comfortable in this cage, especially while lying on your stomach, which I do frequently. It's not very often you think about your genitals and how they're sitting. Usually it's a black and white scale of comfortable versus something's going to pop. This is related to the lock. It constantly feels like I'm wearing an awkward cage around my cock, and the thought rarely leaves my mind even when I'm comfortable because a slight shift in weight and you're reminded of it.

This one doesn't bother me much, for obvious reasons, but it changes how you pee. You need to sit down to piss. It's not It's a good idea to sit down to pee. It's You sit down to pee or else you piss in random directions and most likely on yourself. This is, naturally, completely emasculating and potentially humiliating for a male in all regards. You can't touch a part of yourself. You can't get an erection. You can't have sex. You can't even stand up to pee anymore. Your dick is completely fucking useless except to look at and get in the way.

I like it. I'm rather happy to wear it, and Serina is ecstatic about what it's doing to me. She's been groping me way more than usual. I think she likes her new toy.

Aesop Amnesia

I see a psychologist every week. I started going to talk about gender stuff, but it just unearthed a lot of other things to deal with. Mostly my mother and depression.

Last week something big happened. The only thing is I don't remember what it was. I remember crying for almost the whole session, but I don't know why anymore.

This is very frustrating.

One thing I do remember is that my psych sounded very worried when she said she thinks I shouldn't be in the same house as my mother anymore... which scared me. A lot. Most of the time I just think the amount my mother effects me is entirely in my head, but to have it confirmed that she is doing a lot of harm... that's scary.

But that's been going on for months, stuff with my mother. It's this particular session that I'm thinking about. I wish I remembered why I was crying for so long.

I have no genitals

Serina has locked up my cock and has claimed it as her own.

We got a really cool chastity device. It was really annoying, but hilarious, trying to get it on me. Since this was my idea, and it's a big fetish of mine, it took about 7 mad rushes over the course of an hour that went something like this:

Serina: Talking about something like Minecraft
Me: Cuts her off mid sentence "It's soft!"
Then we lubed up my cock, and tried to get the thing on me, failed and let out a big sigh.

After a while we FINALLY got it on, and I lay back breathing hard, feeling this weird new addition to my body wondering if the horrible pinching will go away soon.

That was on sunday afternoon. She got me to put the lock on it myself, and then hand her the keys. Meaning this thing was only ever going to come off at her will. Which is exactly how I want it.

I'm currently wearing it, of course. I had a break from it on the long trip home, which was probably for the best because it took longer than normal.

When it's just sitting there, locked on, it feels pretty comfortable. Definitely noticable, there is no way you can forget about this thing for very long. There isn't much to say about this thing that isn't on every single review or forum post about chastity devices, but it's just weird being the one saying it, and not someone who's reading someone else with it on write about it.

Serina has said that only in dire circumstance can I remove it without asking her, but I have to inform her it's off and why ASAP. I physically have a key here in the house, but I don't have a key. It's not mine. It's Serina's key, to Serina's lock, to Serina's chastity cage, that houses Serina's new set of genitals.

She owns a part of me now. And we're both very happy with this :)

That dress

I went to look at that dress, and it didn't fit. I was pretty bummed, and it was so cheap.

But at least I tried it on, as Serina was so determined in planting into my head. I got past that fear, and tried it, and it just didn't happen to work.

Jealousy

Last night I was feeling horrible about myself. I hated every other transgirl I knew and didn't know, and felt seering jealousy towards all that are where they want to be and make it seem easy. I was even jealous of someone who has had their Op, even though it's really not something I'm planning on having.

Today, I was thinking about it, and realised I'm really not jealous of them, I'm just angry at myself for stopping myself from doing the things I want to do.

There's a really nice black and red dress I've been seeing around, and every time I see it I run away because I'm afraid it won't suit me, or it won't fit, or just some random reason. Well, fuck you Fear. I'm going to the shop tomorrow and if it fits me, I'm getting it.

Even writing this has made a switch in my brain go from Angry Random Jealousy to Calm Self Contentedness.

The need to disclose

Sigh.

I've been talking to a guy on IRC a bit. He's local and likes fucking girls in the ass. Since I like getting fucked in the ass we bonded over it.

Since it's a text based chat, and I just said I'm female, he assumes, naturally, I have a vagina and all the normal girly parts. I don't think I'll ever meet this person at all, so is there a need to disclose my gender status to this man? I feel like I'm lying. But why?

And why do I feel this need to tell him that I really have a dick? I don't plan on meeting him, and I've only told him the truth about me...

This is just another thing to add to the list of things that make me insecure about having sex.