False anxiety/experimentation

I get most of my anxiety from my mother. Until recently I thought it was just how I am. On the first night I went out in girl mode I met an amazing transwoman who said she could tell that under my shy exterior was someone with confidence waiting to burst out. I thought she was talking out of her ass to be honest, but it's actually kinda true.
A lot of events and my general attitude have lead me to believe that it's mostly my mother's influence on me which created this anxiety. I won't get into details but the more I think about it and specific events I realise she is very much a nervous and anxious person.

I call what I have false anxiety, because it doesn't belong to me. It was handed to me. I have the anxiety without recalling an event that caused it. Granted, I was shy when I was growing up, but aren't a lot of kids?

This isn't all bad. At least I'm aware of it, and for the last year or so my motto has been Be terrified, do it anyway and it seems to be working out pretty well. It might never really go away, but I'm determined to stop it being a force in my life.

I met someone I had been talking to online for a short while recently, someone who reads my blog here. He mentioned my anxiety about a recent event and I told him to just pretend my anxiety doesn't exist because it's the only way it will go away. It's like Freddy Kruger: the more power you give it the more it will haunt you. I don't want to give it power, which is why I like hanging out with people who don't know about it because to them, it doesn't exist in me. If people know about it they account for it and give me permission to use it as an excuse, which I do too often to be healthy.

Over the last year I've been determined to try new things and expand my comfort zone. What's the only way to expand your comfort zone? Catapult yourself out of your small one and into new lands to be conquered. Amazingly, I've had positive results (mostly). This has lead to me wanting to try new things. Things I've never even heard of or imagined.

It's cool what happens when you just let go of the fear for even half a second.