The last few weeks have been devoted to learning how to put on makeup, the theory behind it, and finally the practice. What I learned from this experience is honestly not what I expected, as I only expected to learn how to put on makeup.
In short: I hate it, and hate wearing it.
It makes me feel heavy, and gross, and not myself.
I had a good teacher, who let me use her brushes and gave me tips as I went, and took me makeup shopping for some valuable things which I definitely see myself using often. But no matter what I did to myself, no matter how subtle, or how good my friend was when she took over, I disliked what I saw looking back in the mirror.
It made me think of what an older transwoman told me: It's about being happy with who you are. It just took me doing all of this to realise I didn't need it to be happy with my appearance.
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