In my last relationship, the state of my body was pretty much irrelevant. It's nice in some ways, if I didn't feel up to shaving something (even my face) then it didn't matter. But I wanted it to matter, I wanted her to care. Like most things though, it wasn't met with much interest, so I just let it slide until I didn't care about it anymore either.
The last month, though, I've had a desire to care about my body. Every week, I put aside an hour or two, and shave everything below the neck, and lay in bed, naked and wet and tired, and just absorb the feeling. It's a hard thing to grasp, to feel positive about my own body beyond "it's just barely good enough" but ever since I started this, I've felt... sexy.
I've even gotten to the point where I've taken some new photos of myself for FetLife, and all have been met with positivity. Again, like my previous revelation, I'm not putting them up to gain validation from others. This is me flaunting newfound confidence.
The interesting thing is that this is all in my head, but that doesn't make it a bad thing. All I'm doing is shaving some hair. I'm not losing weight, or fixing my female voice, or even dressing differently. It's just... hair. Yet it's removal is making me feel good about myself, and my physical body. It's a strange new feeling to care about your own body in some way.
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