Post

Serina and E have been doing some intense things lately. Intense to me, anyway. And I know that's what they both want, but it's still really scary to watch and hear about. But it's not that scary to hear about what E did to her, just physically. It's the emotional side that really freaks me out.

She talks about this thing that happened to her on saturday night, where she was so terrified of what was about to happen that she started crying. She kept saying if she could have backed out she would have. Which is.. good, apparently. Well, it's pretty much what she signed on for, I guess.

She broke down on sunday night about it, and I was so intensely worried about her I wanted to call a taxi and go over there. But she kept saying she was ok, and... she is. I was worried I'd have a shell of her to deal with today when I saw her, but nope. She was just as bright and happy as usual. Like nothing had happened.

I guess this makes me a little less scared about them doing this. He dishes out this stuff, she lives through it and she takes a day to process it and that's pretty much it. But on the other hand, if this is E just starting out, what the hell is going to happen to her next? It terrifies me to think about her in a broken state like she said she was on sunday. I guess that's just... part of it. I'm unsure if I can handle seeing her like this, or worse (which will happen eventually), or during the act that causes it. I've given up asking questions to this effect, because the only answer I get is "it's so far away it doesn't matter". Comforting.

She mentioned that the only proof she has that E will not break her and not fix her is faith. I just hope it's well placed.

By the way, that wasn't a desperately ironic post title, Post, I meant "after".