When Serina and I fell apart last month, I took the cage off. I thought it was for good, at the time.
We're getting better, and more stable. So it's back on. I don't really know what to say about it right now. I can see a difference in Serina about it, though. She said she was going to be harder and enforce it more, which is exactly what I want.
She pretty much decides when I get to have an orgasm from now on (and since she can forcefully give me one against my will she can actually carry this out) and I'm not scared. Or worried. Or nervous. I'm relieved that finally this might be happening for real.
Unlike my previous post about wearing it again, I don't really care how much effect E had on this and her mindframe. I'm just glad it's back on.
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I can't be bothered creating this post just to create a third in one day so I'm going to continue here.
Today, I had a bizarre thought: I can't wait until I get back to my transgroup and back to my normal life.
Normal life? What, a vanilla life? Yeah, that's not going to happen.
I'm just.... kinked out right now. Every thought process I've had in the last month has been about kink. Even my little sister turned out to be kinky so it's a hot topic for us. And now that I'm back in the cage I live it 24/7, granted in a small way, but it's still going to be there until Serina decides to take it off me.
It's exacerbated by E, who lives pretty much his entire life with some sort of kink, which is the kind of life Serina wants.
Something that also adds in another layer of complication is the fact that change scares me a lot.
I'm burned out, I suppose. This is one thing about D/s that I'm not a fan of: when you're tired of it, tough titties, cos it still happens. There is no holiday, no time off. Even a lot of my alone time is occupied with it. But don't think this means I want to stop. I'm not totally sure what it means, to be honest. I'm going to settle on growing pains, for now.
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