Worth

So... the last 5 or 6 months have had a spiraling theme lurking above them, and many things have resulted from it.

I could point out specific events and people, but I won't. The end result of most negative things that happened last year was that I felt like I didn't matter, and while I usually bounced back with my mood that has stuck.

Over the new years I stayed at a friends, because it's kinda tradition now to spend NYE with them. But the entire time I was there I felt really guilty about existing in their space, like I was some alien or I was forcing them to have me there when they didn't want me to.

There are things I want, some from myself and some from other people, but most of the time I feel like I'm not worth it. I want to study, but I don't feel like I would be worth the money it would take to do a course.

How do you get past this? I want to care about myself again, I want to feel even a little bit valuable to someone, but every step I take just moves me backwards.