Proximity

It was Carnival today, which marks 3 years in the trans community for me. It's a nice thing I can set my watch to, Carnival will always be a big thing for me, even if it's terrible, which it was today. But that's not what this post is about.

While I was there, I saw an abnormal amount of people in leather, and latex, and corsets... There are usually a dozen wandering around, but not this many. It kinda made me feel really self-conscious, because, well... I want what they have. All of them were with someone, holding hands. It's hard being around other kinky people right now, and hearing about their stories of the kinky things they do.

In about two weeks is pride march, and I got this idea in my head that I want someone to put me on a leash for it, which is all well and good, but I don't know anyone. So that's frustrating.

An interesting thing is that I want to be on a leash during pride march at all. Usually I can't wait to pile in with the various trans groups and wave to the people, but I guess having no means of kink right now has made me crave it so intensely that I want to show off that side of me. Last year there was some kind of kink group in the parade, maybe there will be again this year.

The worst thing is, the longer I'm out of it the more awkward I get around it.