Better living through chemistry

For years people have been trying to shove anti-depressants down my throat, and I've resisted. Almost everyone I knew had suggested it, but I kept saying no this whole time. Then Serina said I should do it, and that broke me. The person I trusted the most was betraying me like this? Right to my face? How could she do this?

And I just... hated everything for a while. I was so shaken by it, so shocked, I just caved in and finally said I'd do it.

I was so confused. This felt like a backstab, like I couldn't trust anyone anymore, even Serina. But I was still going to do it, though I didn't know why. I didn't want to, I don't want to. I called the doctor yesterday, and wanted to throw up immediately afterwards, and not because of anxiety about using the phone for once. I felt like I'd just given up. Stopped fighting. Betrayed myself. Quit.

But wait... maybe all these people think I should do this, not because they hate me, but because they love me. Because they want what's best for me. Because they want me to be happy. Depression fucks with your head, right? Maybe I'm the one who doesn't see clearly, not them. Maybe staying where I am isn't healthy.

So I guess I'm just trusting them, and doing it for them. And if doing it for others is not a good reason to take anti-depressants... well, it's the best reason anyone's gonna get with any sort of truth from me, where I do this voluntarily.