y

Ever since I wrote that previous post a few days ago, I've been testing how deep being little goes. My conclusion: extremely deep.

Despite stating otherwise and putting effort into not doing exactly that, it turns out I am treating this like a tumour to be removed, but I didn't realise until earlier today. Whenever I would do something childish, I'd stop myself. By the end of the second day, I was getting really frustrated at myself because no matter what happened, I wouldn't stop. I had pushed away all of my stuffed toys by this point.

By the end of the third day, I seemed to have stopped all the things that made me frustrated... but I missed them. It was like a part of me had died. This morning when I woke up, I noticed that all my stuffed toys were scattered all over my bed and far away from me.

Tonight, I started crying and hugging my dead elephant and apologising to her. I can't tell if this is a healthy thing done in an unhealthy way, or something unhealthy entirely. Either way, I have a lot of stuffed toys to apologise to and a new strategy to think of.