Fun? In a kink event?

It finally happened. I had fun at a kink event.

Last week, mummy, E, a friend, and I went to this quiet event, and... while I wasn't completely comfortable, at least it wasn't terrible. I started to have fun towards the end of the night. I went there, expecting pretty much more of the same as what I'd got, and while I kinda got it, it wasn't as bad as it had been.

I don't know what to think about it, really. Part of me doesn't really get these places. Kinky people come together and do kinky things... that sounds pretty simple, but I didn't really feel like I fit in much. Not because I'm trans or anything, I'm just not nearly as outgoing as everyone else who was there. I hope that will change in time. I'm pretty outgoing when I'm in a comfortable environment, like my trans group, so maybe it's just exposing myself to these places and getting to know the faces.

I got a cane, as well, because I've recently tapped into my masochistic side. Mummy wanted to use it on me right then and there, at the event. Which is normal, but I was not ready to go that far outside of my comfort zone, to do that in front of all these new scary people. Which is... annoying. I'm stuck in this place of wanting to do these things but not being comfortable enough, and I hate this place. I just want to be on one side or the other: not wanting to do it or being comfortable enough. Once again, I hope that changes with time. Everything from my experiences says it will if I want it to and put in the effort.