Community - Self worth and contribution

There is an interesting word I sometimes associate with the trans community. Without further explaination, it sounds like I'm here out of some obligation, or pressure to perform. That word is debt.

I owe a lot to the trans community in my city. It's been my safety net in many ways, it's helped guide me and give me advice and has always been there. The awesome thing about it, is that if someone who I usually turn to for advice or help is unavailable, I can ask someone else. More and more over the last year and a half, I've found that people have been asking me for help, which has been well documented in this blog.

These people are part of who I am, and where I'm going. They helped shape me. And so, when I became stable enough to be able to be in that sort of position to others, I jumped at it. And I'm glad I did. It's been rather rewarding. But this isn't what today's post is about. Today's post is about someone else's debt.

I was contacted earlier this week by a good friend, and said someone she knew had something to offer me. I won't say what, but to say this is going to be a help is to undermine and insult what this really is. This is monumental, and somewhat life changing. I met up with that person today, who told me that she's doing this because she feels like she owes something to this community, and wanted to repay it in a way via this amazing gift to some lucky person. Although, I find out it's not "luck". This is where my brain trips over and breaks its leg, however.

I have... earned this. People have noticed the effort and time I've been putting into this community. The energy I put in, out of this weird sense of debt. It's a feedback loop as well, because the more I give the more I get. I was talking about this concept to mummy, and I said that I almost felt like I'd need to add this to the pile of debt I have, but not in a bad way.

I've been given validation, in a way. A sign to say "You're doing things right". So now I can continue to do the things I am doing, do them better, and maybe do more things. And not because I'm getting noticed, or any sort of rewards that might come along, but... I owe a debt to this community. One that I'll gladly pay off multiples times over.