My mind is in a better place. I had a wonderful night out with my Intro Group, I saw my mummy again, and I met my little sister in person for the first time!
Something that massive helped is talking to my mummy about it. She's been with E for a while, so I haven't seen her (and haven't really been in much contact), and when things got to be too much, I sent her a text to read my blog. She did, and a little while later sent me a biiiiig text message laying everything out for me, what I was going to do, what she was going to do, and just reminding me that a lot of those problems are temporary. Oh god, everything felt so light after that. Like I had a way through the crap now.
I was thinking about mummy and E's relationship, and I kinda had a small realisation. There's always the thought in the back of my head, what if he orders mummy to leave me? Now I understand what that really means, and why she went to him. For ages, my thoughts on it were He won't ask that of her, because it will destroy her. However, I added an extra bit to that that makes it turn around, and doesn't make it seem like such a hollow promise: This is why she went to him. It's not a happy coincidence, or him compromising. It's a part of why she wants him. Which makes me feel so much more secure in it all, and really makes me realise a core part of what bothers me about their arrangement: I don't want to be abandoned (again). I'm getting more and more secure in the concept that not only will this not happen, but it intentionally won't happen.
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