An invitation

Well... shit.

I got invited to a kink event by a friend. I hate it when this happens, because I consider going, and remember how shit I feel in those places. I debate with myself, bargain, push, and none of it pays off because I know there's really only two conclusions: I go or I stay home.

The problem with the Going result is that, well, I probably won't have a good time. I've tried before, I put more effort in than most people would in my position I think, and it didn't pay off. The friend who invited me isn't really the babysitting type either, so I don't feel like I have much of a safety net.

The problem with the Not Going result is that I waste all this energy trying to get myself to go, and it just makes me feel worse. I've already started spiraling out thinking about this, which is insane.

Part of me thinks I should go, to really test The Pills. To see if I really have changed, or if I'm just testing myself against trivial things.

I want to go, I want to have fun at these places. On top of that, well... it would be nice to meet someone.