Weight. Jealousy. Self perception.

I've documented that I have issues with my weight here before. I really dislike how much I weigh. I don't like constantly feeling bloated. I don't like taking up so much physical space. I don't like having this tummy. It's a big part about why I like my corset, cos once it's on my tummy is gone. I don't like almost always sweating. I don't like my fat arms. I could go on...

I tried talking about this to mummy, but she wouldn't listen. She just thought I was saying "I hate myself and I'm caving into society's perceptions of beauty and this is a magic cure and will definitely work". I've tried talking to my Little Sister about it, and she said I need to learn to love myself. I talked to one of my best friends about it and they said "Don't be silly, you look fine". I talked to another friend, and they said "You're thinner than me, so you're not fat"

Maybe I should just stop mentioning it. But I don't even know where to start, properly I mean. I know I can just stop eating for a month and drop it, cos I've done it. But I also know that I just put it back on afterwards.

Perhaps mummy is overly cautious about this because what sparked this idea was, essentially, jealousy in someone else. But... I don't know. I know that she hates it when I can list off a thousand things about myself I don't like. But this one seems to be in my power to fix. She also says that I'm not fat, and that I'm chubby. Different word, same meaning. Either way I don't like it.

Maybe the people I mentioned before are hearing me wrong. I know mummy definitely is. Why can't they understand I just want to lose weight for myself? I tried explaining that to mummy, but it didn't seem to land. I told her that I'm tired of never being able to fit into clothes I like, and she rolled her eyes. Maybe I should prove I'm not doing this for someone else, and stop letting people talk me out of it.