My Place

Today, mummy noticed I flinch when she touches me. She's always noticed, but I think it just hit her that I flinch almost every single time.

I'm used to her pinching me, or poking me, to hurt me and maybe to get a reaction. If she ever gropes my boobs, it's because she wants to pinch them or make me think she wants to pinch them. So naturally, a flinch has grown over time to her touch. Just because I like pain from her, doesn't mean I want it all the time. Pain is still pain.

Today, she sat me on the floor and talked to me about it. She said she doesn't like that I flinch, and move away from her touch so much. I didn't understand, because well... it seemed she had been doing this quite intentionally. She said I needed to trust her more. That she has stopped randomly pinching me. That she stopped giving me random pain. I had to think to see how true that was.

Once that got through, she said another thing: this is your place, on your knees. You are mine, and I'm allowed to hurt you whenever I want.

It is. I am. She is. I just need to remember those things, and learn to trust her intentions more. If mummy chooses to hurt me, I have to accept that.