Solitary

Getting used to sharing your life when you've existed on your own for so long is hard.

I've been with mummy for over a year now, and I'm still getting used to her being a presence in my life, even when she's not around. This has nothing to do with being D/s, either. It's just... being partners.

There is this idea in my head where I'm faster or better on my own. I don't have to move at someone else's pace, I can move when I feel like it. Even the idea, to some degree, people just get in the way sometimes. I'm used to being a rather solitary creature. I like it. But I also like being with mummy, and sharing my life with her.

A while ago I told mummy that I was disappointed about what she was doing with E because it meant that it won't just be us anymore. From my perspective, that means there's more to trip over. From her perspective, there's more support.

I'm not sure what conclusion there is to draw here. Maybe it's a good thing to expand your life to include more people like this?

We, as a... family, I guess... no, that word is a bit strong. We as a circle seem to work. The four of us. But... I still feel like the odd one out. I don't know these other two people. I only know them through mummy. And that wouldn't bother me, but the fact is this is a long-term thing, maybe permanent.

Again, I'm the odd one out, and again, I'm at the disadvantage.

I'm trying to stay positive. Because I know this could be a good thing, not just for mummy, but for me. I just don't think I'm at a place there I can see it yet. But I'm trying. And I trust mummy. We, as a circle, had a day out, and it was really fun. Strange, but fun.