Responsibility

This is hard for me to talk about.

For the past two years I've had no responsibilities. I've lived my life in that time as I've wanted, playing games all day, seeing friends whenever I wanted, and just generally not even trying to make an effort. This has, of course, made me very lazy in many ways.

It's snuck up on me too. I don't think of myself as lazy, because I didn't used to be. But when I really think about it, I'm terribly lazy. I recorded footage of an event my trans group held and even though it was over a week ago I haven't uploaded the footage to anyone, or even looked at it. I'm meant to be a big part of this group now, as I'm helping organise an introduction group for new people once a month, and I let the latest one almost slip by without any form of effort to make it happen.

I'm shocked at myself, and it makes me feel really discouraged. But I know this is just a side-effect of my lifestyle over the last few years, and if I make an effort to change this I will.

I don't want a reputation among these new friends to be unreliable and lazy. I value them and their opinions too much.