What I want for christmas

Mum has been hassling me about christmas. It's a complicated issue with this family, but it boils down to her pressing me that I should want X when I really just want Y.

In our extended family, we do a non-anonymous Kris Kringle. We all pick a name out of a hat and that's who we buy for, because our family is so large. I'm buying for my grandmother, and my uncle Vin is buying for me. Mum has been telling me for a few weeks now that I shouldn't just give my uncle a list of DVDs or one big thing, because "it's boring" to do your shopping in one place. So she's talked me into trying to think of things that aren't just movies or music, and I keep coming up blank. There isn't anything I want that isn't like that, nothing that would keep me in the closet anyway.

I saw my psych today, and she cheered me up. She finally got it into my head that I'm allowed to want what I want for christmas, and tough shit for mum if she doesn't want me to want it.

Amazingly, since I've gotten over this little hump, I've thought of things that aren't just in one shop. Go figure.

I'm going to ask my grandmother what she wants.

So that's my extended family sorted out, now for my actual mother...

She's asked me for a list of stuff, and again, I keep coming up short. I don't know what I want her to buy me. There's only one thing I can think of that I really want for christmas, and that' a name-change form. I want my real name to be what I've been going by for the last 2 years. I have to think when I introduce myself as my birth-name, and be careful not to say my chosen-name.

I want my name for christmas.