Pride

Today was the pride march in my city. I didn't go.

Last night I was torturing myself about it. I didn't want to go, I knew I didn't have the energy, but I felt like I should go. I remembered Carnival, two weeks ago, and how awful it was. Eventually, I landed on the decision to just not go, and to sleep in, because I really needed to catch up on energy.

 I was surprised when I felt relief, and not guilt, which is what I was expecting. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe I was expecting to feel like I'd let the community down, or myself and my transness, if that makes sense. But I know plenty of people who didn't go last year and are involved in the community.

So I don't know. I'm glad I feel this way. I know I'm not missing out on anything, because I've been twice before and both times weren't that great.