See the 30/30 Challenge here!
Song 21: A song you listen to when you're happy.
Well fuck, there are hundreds of songs that fit this. I'll pick from a band I haven't picked from in a while. Swoon, by The Chemical Brothers.
Thursday, 31 March 2011
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Song 20/30
See the 30/30 Challenge here!
Song 20: A song you listen to when you're angry.
I don't like feeling angry, I really hate it. I'm angry a lot, and I just try to let it pass. I need active music to help me get over it and calm down. Sometimes I need something to listen to to give me a controlled anger, to help me feel it and direct it to something positive: self improvement. That song is King Kill, by Marilyn Manson.
Song 20: A song you listen to when you're angry.
I don't like feeling angry, I really hate it. I'm angry a lot, and I just try to let it pass. I need active music to help me get over it and calm down. Sometimes I need something to listen to to give me a controlled anger, to help me feel it and direct it to something positive: self improvement. That song is King Kill, by Marilyn Manson.
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Vidya to-do list
According to my Steam account, I have 118 games. Accounting for DLC, demos and free games I've long since deleted, I'm gonna say that's 80 games. By far, my favourite game is Team Fortress 2. I main Pyro and mostly play arena.
However, my other 79 games are not loved as much. A lot were bought during sales, came in packs or were free with a pre-purchase. I think it's time I compile a list of the main games I have and want to play, along with progress of what I've done.
In order of priority...
Mass Effect 2.
Crysis
Oddworld 1, 2, 3 and 4.
Dawn of War 1 & 2 +expansions
Company of Heroes +expansions
FEAR 2, however I'm near the end and it's getting very boring.
Aquaria
However, my other 79 games are not loved as much. A lot were bought during sales, came in packs or were free with a pre-purchase. I think it's time I compile a list of the main games I have and want to play, along with progress of what I've done.
In order of priority...
Mass Effect 2.
Crysis
Oddworld 1, 2, 3 and 4.
Dawn of War 1 & 2 +expansions
Company of Heroes +expansions
FEAR 2, however I'm near the end and it's getting very boring.
Aquaria
Songs 16 - 19
See the 30/30 Challenge here!
Song 16: A song you used to love but now hate
I used to love System of a Down. They were my favourite band for a while, but now I can't stand a lot of their stuff. Probably the biggest contrast from then-to-now is Needles. I really dislike the song, and I used to love it.
Song 17: A song you hear often on the radio
Song 18: A song you wish you heard on the radio
Ok, I promised myself I would do this properly... but I literally do not ever listen to the radio, and even when I'm forced to I have no idea what I'm listening to. SKIP SONGS D:
Song 19: A song from your favourite album
This is easy. My favourite album is Marilyn Manson's Holy Wood, it's a very powerful album in a lot of ways. The most powerful song, even taken out of context, is almost definitely The Nobodies.
Song 16: A song you used to love but now hate
I used to love System of a Down. They were my favourite band for a while, but now I can't stand a lot of their stuff. Probably the biggest contrast from then-to-now is Needles. I really dislike the song, and I used to love it.
Song 17: A song you hear often on the radio
Song 18: A song you wish you heard on the radio
Ok, I promised myself I would do this properly... but I literally do not ever listen to the radio, and even when I'm forced to I have no idea what I'm listening to. SKIP SONGS D:
Song 19: A song from your favourite album
This is easy. My favourite album is Marilyn Manson's Holy Wood, it's a very powerful album in a lot of ways. The most powerful song, even taken out of context, is almost definitely The Nobodies.
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Song 14 + 15/30
See the 30/30 Challenge here!
Song 14: A song nobody would expect me to like.
All of my friends know I don't like rap. However, most of them don't realise that there are 4 songs by Eminem I really like, my favourite of which is Without Me.
Song 15: A song that describes you.
Holy fuck. This is hard. Not because I can't think of any, but because the song that describes me has already been chosen (Song 10). So I'll have to think of a new one...
Only one thing comes to mind. When I was still with my ex, she got me to listen to this song and said it was about us. I wish I didn't believe her, because I expected her to keep me from falling apart. She took too much responsibility for my happiness, and I wish I didn't let her do that. No one can stop someone else falling apart, and it's too much to expect someone to try. She also mentioned the fact that I laugh and don't believe someone when they complement me. I don't see much inside of myself to like. There is a part of me that thinks that this song is still very much about us, because she was where I am, or was at the time, and really tried to help me. Some of it stuck, a lot didn't. The Fragile, by Nine Inch Nails, is about me, about who I was, and what I'm trying to get away from, in myself and her.
Song 14: A song nobody would expect me to like.
All of my friends know I don't like rap. However, most of them don't realise that there are 4 songs by Eminem I really like, my favourite of which is Without Me.
Song 15: A song that describes you.
Holy fuck. This is hard. Not because I can't think of any, but because the song that describes me has already been chosen (Song 10). So I'll have to think of a new one...
Only one thing comes to mind. When I was still with my ex, she got me to listen to this song and said it was about us. I wish I didn't believe her, because I expected her to keep me from falling apart. She took too much responsibility for my happiness, and I wish I didn't let her do that. No one can stop someone else falling apart, and it's too much to expect someone to try. She also mentioned the fact that I laugh and don't believe someone when they complement me. I don't see much inside of myself to like. There is a part of me that thinks that this song is still very much about us, because she was where I am, or was at the time, and really tried to help me. Some of it stuck, a lot didn't. The Fragile, by Nine Inch Nails, is about me, about who I was, and what I'm trying to get away from, in myself and her.
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
Busted
Talking to other trans people, or just reading their stories, there is a huge occurrence between almost all of them: being caught dressing while still in the closet.
I've been close once and only once. I had gotten my first tights and was showing my friend on webcam. My computer is in the loungeroom, so I was exposed, but I thought mum would be out for hours. Since I live with my mother I was the only one home. I was feeling awesome dressing how I wanted in that part of the house, usually it was just reserved for my room. Then I heard the door and all the good feelings left instantly. Now, the loungeroom is next to the kitchen, which is where the door is. My room is on the other side of the kitchen from the computer. This was it, I thought. This is the night we're going to have that talk, no psyching myself up all day, no saying "mum, I have something to tell you", it was going to be like this: busted in front of the computer crossdressing. I ran.
There are two ways back to my room. I ran into the back of the loungeroom and called out to mum to lure her one way, so I could run the other way. Somehow I made it into my room without my mum seeing the skirt, tights and girls top. It all felt unreal, like it wasn't happening. How could she possibly not have seen what I was wearing? There was a clear line of sight at one point, I was sure of it. I called bullshit on reality itself when I was in my room, naked, and it just stared back at me and said "No, you made it. Somehow"
By the way, this all happened with my friend watching. The webcam was still on.
It all happened in probably 10 seconds, but felt like hours. Hours of panic and fear and frustration. I was off the hook. Mum asked what I was doing, running around the house. This part was easy to bluff. I just said I was in my underwear and didn't want her to see. That had actually happened before, so it was a viable explanation for me.
In my room I got on the laptop and signed into MSN but appeared offline so it would sign me out on the big PC, and turn off the webcam. When I got back out to the big PC I got back on MSN and talked to my friend, who demanded to know what had happened and refused to believe that I had not been caught. He said it was like watching a slasher movie, the killer was right behind me.
That was the end of my crossdressing.... for about 3 days. I couldn't make it go away, I needed the clothes too much to stop. After I had calmed down that night, a bizarre thought popped into my head: I almost wanted to be busted. It would take the matter out of my own hands, out of my control. Be done with it and get it out ion the open, remove the need to hide.
I've been close once and only once. I had gotten my first tights and was showing my friend on webcam. My computer is in the loungeroom, so I was exposed, but I thought mum would be out for hours. Since I live with my mother I was the only one home. I was feeling awesome dressing how I wanted in that part of the house, usually it was just reserved for my room. Then I heard the door and all the good feelings left instantly. Now, the loungeroom is next to the kitchen, which is where the door is. My room is on the other side of the kitchen from the computer. This was it, I thought. This is the night we're going to have that talk, no psyching myself up all day, no saying "mum, I have something to tell you", it was going to be like this: busted in front of the computer crossdressing. I ran.
There are two ways back to my room. I ran into the back of the loungeroom and called out to mum to lure her one way, so I could run the other way. Somehow I made it into my room without my mum seeing the skirt, tights and girls top. It all felt unreal, like it wasn't happening. How could she possibly not have seen what I was wearing? There was a clear line of sight at one point, I was sure of it. I called bullshit on reality itself when I was in my room, naked, and it just stared back at me and said "No, you made it. Somehow"
By the way, this all happened with my friend watching. The webcam was still on.
It all happened in probably 10 seconds, but felt like hours. Hours of panic and fear and frustration. I was off the hook. Mum asked what I was doing, running around the house. This part was easy to bluff. I just said I was in my underwear and didn't want her to see. That had actually happened before, so it was a viable explanation for me.
In my room I got on the laptop and signed into MSN but appeared offline so it would sign me out on the big PC, and turn off the webcam. When I got back out to the big PC I got back on MSN and talked to my friend, who demanded to know what had happened and refused to believe that I had not been caught. He said it was like watching a slasher movie, the killer was right behind me.
That was the end of my crossdressing.... for about 3 days. I couldn't make it go away, I needed the clothes too much to stop. After I had calmed down that night, a bizarre thought popped into my head: I almost wanted to be busted. It would take the matter out of my own hands, out of my control. Be done with it and get it out ion the open, remove the need to hide.
Drawings n shit
I have a sketchbook that I carry with me so I can just draw whatevers on my mind when it comes up. No sense in wasting inspiration, right?
I'm pretty happy that I only have one fanart picture in here :D
I also don't have a scanner so this is just taken on my webcam with me holding the book up, sorry about the fingers.
Fuck yeah Super Meat Boy
For this last one, I started drawing windows and it kinda evolved and took over the page lol
I'm pretty happy that I only have one fanart picture in here :D
I also don't have a scanner so this is just taken on my webcam with me holding the book up, sorry about the fingers.
Fuck yeah Super Meat Boy
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