Today, Serina and myself were out in the city, and bumped into someone we knew.
It was the person who gave me hormones, a year and a half ago. (Serina contacted this person who had a stockpile at the time, semantics). I just wish I was in girl mode at the time, to show her my progress.
She asked how the hormones were treating me, I said good, and then she rubbed my face and said "what's that?" with a smirk; I hadn't shaved in 3 days. I just said "Eh, it doesn't bother me much anymore" and she smiled and said "Good". Serina then said that I was some sort of genderqueer person, which I guess is true.
It was nice seeing her again. When I realised who she was I hugged her. I think I've spent enough time away from the older community, time to go back and see some old faces.
Wednesday, 31 August 2011
Attention seeking, pt2
I found a really cool blog called Fuck Yeah Cute Trans Chicks.
It's pretty much exactly what it says on the tin. It's full of adorable transgirls at various stages of transition. I was rather inspired by this blog, and immediately wanted to be a part of it. So I submitted a picture.
After I had sent it in, I thought about the last time I shared my pictures online, and immedately became worried I had done it again!
But then I thought about it more, and realised it was different. Those other times, I got jealous of other girls getting attention, and wanted some for myself. This time, I just wanted to have my picture in this project.
Why, though?
I guess, in the picture I sent in, I'm happy with my looks, and don't care what others think.
It's pretty much exactly what it says on the tin. It's full of adorable transgirls at various stages of transition. I was rather inspired by this blog, and immediately wanted to be a part of it. So I submitted a picture.
After I had sent it in, I thought about the last time I shared my pictures online, and immedately became worried I had done it again!
But then I thought about it more, and realised it was different. Those other times, I got jealous of other girls getting attention, and wanted some for myself. This time, I just wanted to have my picture in this project.
Why, though?
I guess, in the picture I sent in, I'm happy with my looks, and don't care what others think.
Saturday, 27 August 2011
Goodnight, cunt
The other day we got almost $200 worth of new kink gear. Turns out $200 doesn't go terribly far, but we got the vitals: 4 cuffs and LOTS of chain (and nipple clamps just to remove the human element). Unfortunately neither of us has been to the other's house since we got them, so they've been sitting in the corner for a few days.
Last night, out of the blue, Serina sent a long set of instructions on going to sleep. I was to cuff myself, restrain myself, and then tie my leash to the bed. I was excited, if a little nervous. I did have work the next day, and since it wipes me out I really needed a good sleep. But, I wanted to do it, and I could always take it off if it was a serious problem.
So, I got my bed ready for easy entry because I would not have much movement in the near future, turned the webcam on and followed her instructions. It was weird, but felt good. When I was finally ready to go to bed, and tied the leash on, I felt this amazing happiness wash over me. I was in my collar, in my cuffs, chained up, attached to the bed and about to go to sleep, being watched by Her.
I felt so safe, and secure, and happy, and comfortable. Sleep was not going to be a problem. It took a minute to get comfortable, and there were a few pinches of the cold chain, but they warmed up on my body quickly. Hugging my plush dead elephant Jane, I felt truly submissive. And almost like She was there holding onto me.
I don't know why. Just last night before I got ready, we were talking about her owning me, and we're both satisfied that being her slave would bring neither of us more happiness. But when this happens, I feel like I belong to her.
Every now and then when I'm sleeping with her, and she has her hand around my collar holding me in place, I snuggle into her harder and let out a hug sigh of contentment. That was the same feeling I had last night, just without Serina, and with a dead elephant.
Last night, out of the blue, Serina sent a long set of instructions on going to sleep. I was to cuff myself, restrain myself, and then tie my leash to the bed. I was excited, if a little nervous. I did have work the next day, and since it wipes me out I really needed a good sleep. But, I wanted to do it, and I could always take it off if it was a serious problem.
So, I got my bed ready for easy entry because I would not have much movement in the near future, turned the webcam on and followed her instructions. It was weird, but felt good. When I was finally ready to go to bed, and tied the leash on, I felt this amazing happiness wash over me. I was in my collar, in my cuffs, chained up, attached to the bed and about to go to sleep, being watched by Her.
I felt so safe, and secure, and happy, and comfortable. Sleep was not going to be a problem. It took a minute to get comfortable, and there were a few pinches of the cold chain, but they warmed up on my body quickly. Hugging my plush dead elephant Jane, I felt truly submissive. And almost like She was there holding onto me.
I don't know why. Just last night before I got ready, we were talking about her owning me, and we're both satisfied that being her slave would bring neither of us more happiness. But when this happens, I feel like I belong to her.
Every now and then when I'm sleeping with her, and she has her hand around my collar holding me in place, I snuggle into her harder and let out a hug sigh of contentment. That was the same feeling I had last night, just without Serina, and with a dead elephant.
Friday, 26 August 2011
Bottom heavy
Man. I got the coolest boots ever.
I'm not joking. They're sex that you can wear on your feet. What I love about them is the massive platforms, and just how confusingly unisex they are. Seriously, they look male by themselves but rock with a skirt OR jeans.
They're quite goth, and that's something I've wanted to try for ages now. Never had the balls til recently.
What makes them attractive is how bottom heavy they make me look, and how it looks on others. They have a real weight behind them as well, so you have to walk with purpose. They make me feel powerful. Confident. But also unquestionably feminine and somehow delicate.
I broke them in yesterday, and also went out in my lolita outfit. I felt so comfortable and confident, but also... pretty. Which is a big deal for me.
Serina and myself went to go get some kink toys, then we went into the city where I got to be seen by loooottttssss of people. I didn't feel weird at all. I just felt happy that I was standing out, and no one gave me one of those is that a guy or a girl? looks, just looks of what is she wearing???
Ahhhh. I definitely need more lolita clothes.
I'm not joking. They're sex that you can wear on your feet. What I love about them is the massive platforms, and just how confusingly unisex they are. Seriously, they look male by themselves but rock with a skirt OR jeans.
They're quite goth, and that's something I've wanted to try for ages now. Never had the balls til recently.
What makes them attractive is how bottom heavy they make me look, and how it looks on others. They have a real weight behind them as well, so you have to walk with purpose. They make me feel powerful. Confident. But also unquestionably feminine and somehow delicate.
I broke them in yesterday, and also went out in my lolita outfit. I felt so comfortable and confident, but also... pretty. Which is a big deal for me.
Serina and myself went to go get some kink toys, then we went into the city where I got to be seen by loooottttssss of people. I didn't feel weird at all. I just felt happy that I was standing out, and no one gave me one of those is that a guy or a girl? looks, just looks of what is she wearing???
Ahhhh. I definitely need more lolita clothes.
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
Exit Planet Dust
So... after several uncomfortable talks with my mother, it's pretty much agreed on that if I want to progress any further (with transition, social life, and just life in general) it can't be in her house.
She isn't kicking me out. We just had a talk, and I've kinda... reached the capacity living here can offer. I get money now, so living away from home isn't impossible anymore, financially. I want to transition more, but living here I'm under the constant threat of family, who don't know about me yet.
However, leaving home... that fills me with all sorts of fears and paranoia. My mother was very overprotective of me when I was growing up, and I was always super shy. This meant she wrapped me in cotton wool, and let me do nothing, like talk on the phone or order my own food at restaurants. I have a lot of anxieties about doing things for myself. A lot of them shouldn't be fears at my age, but they are.
I guess... just try to focus on what moving out will bring?
She isn't kicking me out. We just had a talk, and I've kinda... reached the capacity living here can offer. I get money now, so living away from home isn't impossible anymore, financially. I want to transition more, but living here I'm under the constant threat of family, who don't know about me yet.
However, leaving home... that fills me with all sorts of fears and paranoia. My mother was very overprotective of me when I was growing up, and I was always super shy. This meant she wrapped me in cotton wool, and let me do nothing, like talk on the phone or order my own food at restaurants. I have a lot of anxieties about doing things for myself. A lot of them shouldn't be fears at my age, but they are.
I guess... just try to focus on what moving out will bring?
Whipping post
Today was quite fun. It was the first day in a looooong time that Serina has been really sadistic towards me. And I took it all, and rather enjoyed most of it.
We have a regular thing now, she basically plays with my nipples until I come. That takes a while, it hurts but feels oh so good at the same time, and she gets a small regular outlet for her sadistic urges. Today was much much more than that.
She got to my house while I was still asleep, and put my collar on me while I was still lying down and fairly groggy. I think that contributes to me feeling comfortable in the collar, and craving it sometimes. Then she climbed in with me and we snuggled while I woke up properly. We got up, I made some lunch for us, and kneeled next to her and ate. That is a big big big deal for me, my knees are horrible. I had a bad accident in high school that left both of my knees in very bad shape, but a few pillows on the ground and it seemed to work for a while.
After lunch, I went and got changed. Last week, I got some blue tights that were just barely too small, so I cut them and made thigh highs and wore them with a suspender and miniskirt. No shirt. And spent the rest of the day in this outfit, exposed and ready for fun. Serina seemed very happy with what I was wearing, she said she liked having access to my cock. Then we went into my room for a play.
After a very long session of me screaming my lungs out while she abused my nipples, we calmed down for a bit. Then we went out, and she sat me on a chair in the loungeroom and made me keep eye contact while she did horrible things to me again. It was.... intense, and hard, but I did it. And loved it. It was more than nipples this time. She hit me, scratched me, pinched, slapped, groped and even threw in some degradation. Then she lead me into the bedroom and we lied down for a very long time, while I tried to calm down a bit. At some point, my dog started barking to be let outside. I started to get up and was pushed back down, with Serina saying quietly "No, you've done enough for today"
I melted. I snuggled up to her a lot when she got back.
I think I'm really enjoying fitting back into the submissive role...
We have a regular thing now, she basically plays with my nipples until I come. That takes a while, it hurts but feels oh so good at the same time, and she gets a small regular outlet for her sadistic urges. Today was much much more than that.
She got to my house while I was still asleep, and put my collar on me while I was still lying down and fairly groggy. I think that contributes to me feeling comfortable in the collar, and craving it sometimes. Then she climbed in with me and we snuggled while I woke up properly. We got up, I made some lunch for us, and kneeled next to her and ate. That is a big big big deal for me, my knees are horrible. I had a bad accident in high school that left both of my knees in very bad shape, but a few pillows on the ground and it seemed to work for a while.
After lunch, I went and got changed. Last week, I got some blue tights that were just barely too small, so I cut them and made thigh highs and wore them with a suspender and miniskirt. No shirt. And spent the rest of the day in this outfit, exposed and ready for fun. Serina seemed very happy with what I was wearing, she said she liked having access to my cock. Then we went into my room for a play.
After a very long session of me screaming my lungs out while she abused my nipples, we calmed down for a bit. Then we went out, and she sat me on a chair in the loungeroom and made me keep eye contact while she did horrible things to me again. It was.... intense, and hard, but I did it. And loved it. It was more than nipples this time. She hit me, scratched me, pinched, slapped, groped and even threw in some degradation. Then she lead me into the bedroom and we lied down for a very long time, while I tried to calm down a bit. At some point, my dog started barking to be let outside. I started to get up and was pushed back down, with Serina saying quietly "No, you've done enough for today"
I melted. I snuggled up to her a lot when she got back.
I think I'm really enjoying fitting back into the submissive role...
Saturday, 20 August 2011
Television
It's quite an experience when someone who doesn't have cable TV enters a house that does have it.
Tonight my friend and his girlfriend came over for a while, neither of which has cable TV. I gave her free reign of the remote cos I don't care what's on TV anymore. A year ago I was hardcore into Discovery, but now I just hear about shows like Dexter and Breaking Bad, wait a year and then bulk download the whole series and shotgun it in a day. Tonight my friend's girlfriend cruised through the channels until she hit Lifestyle You. I didn't know we had that channel.
What was on was the weirdest show I've ever seen: Four Weddings.
It's a show about 4 brides who go to each others weddings and rate them out of 10, and the winner gets a free honeymoon. Can I just say, I get pissy with someone who doesn't like the same movies as me. These girls are merciless, and shallow, and just horrible.
One of the girls has a traditional Jewish wedding, with the little caps, in a cinagog, Jewish vows, and the groom doesn't get a ring. The 3 spectating girls went mental over everything, saying it was horrible and boring.
Did the purpose of weddings change in the last few years? Is it not a day to celebrate your love and devotion to another person where the woman gets to make all the decisions and to repay the husband for putting up with her during that time, he gets to fuck her in the butt?
While I don't really care for marriage, I understand that it's a huge deal for some people. I don't understand how a show like this exists? At the very least, I say kudos to these 4 women for letting 3 other people judge their wedding on their own terms. If you walk away from that without tears, you have thicker skin than I do.
Tonight my friend and his girlfriend came over for a while, neither of which has cable TV. I gave her free reign of the remote cos I don't care what's on TV anymore. A year ago I was hardcore into Discovery, but now I just hear about shows like Dexter and Breaking Bad, wait a year and then bulk download the whole series and shotgun it in a day. Tonight my friend's girlfriend cruised through the channels until she hit Lifestyle You. I didn't know we had that channel.
What was on was the weirdest show I've ever seen: Four Weddings.
It's a show about 4 brides who go to each others weddings and rate them out of 10, and the winner gets a free honeymoon. Can I just say, I get pissy with someone who doesn't like the same movies as me. These girls are merciless, and shallow, and just horrible.
One of the girls has a traditional Jewish wedding, with the little caps, in a cinagog, Jewish vows, and the groom doesn't get a ring. The 3 spectating girls went mental over everything, saying it was horrible and boring.
Did the purpose of weddings change in the last few years? Is it not a day to celebrate your love and devotion to another person where the woman gets to make all the decisions and to repay the husband for putting up with her during that time, he gets to fuck her in the butt?
While I don't really care for marriage, I understand that it's a huge deal for some people. I don't understand how a show like this exists? At the very least, I say kudos to these 4 women for letting 3 other people judge their wedding on their own terms. If you walk away from that without tears, you have thicker skin than I do.
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