Mental break

Things have been stressful lately. Getting back into the radio is making my anxiety fluctuate, things with Centrelink are stressful, I need to see doctors because I haven't been on hormones in I don't know how long.

And now on top of all of that, it looks like I'll be moving in the near future.

I really thought about just not taking this place and waiting for things to die down. Do I really need all of that shit on top of moving and suddenly being independent and living off my own money?

But I realised that even after these things die down, there will still be something else later, or no house to move to, or just anything. I need to leave. I can't live here. I'm spending so much energy on just existing in this place, it's impossible to have any sort of life here.

Invincibility and reality

So a while ago I found out someone I'd been following on YouTube is making a video game. Sonja suggested I ask her for an interview, and I jumped on it. I felt great, and excited.

Then reality set in, and the fear followed. I've resigned myself to knowing I won't do this, even though I want to. How often to you get to talk with someone you've looked up to for years?

I'm just really disappointed in myself. I thought I was better than this.